We have all heard incredible tales from time to time of having to deal with difficult people in the workplace. As we listen to the antics of some, we also find that we may have a story or two to tell of our own challenging experience or difficult conversation with a seemingly unfair colleague. 

How many times have we been disappointed or aggravated by a difficult colleague? Although the stories may vary, all will tell the tale of an office mate or a manager who just doesn't "get it" or "play well with others." More often than not, when challenged or disappointed by those we spend most of our waking hours with - we often choose to retreat rather than address the unprofessional behavior. And although it is best to take the "high road", there are consequences to doing nothing at all.

Ironically, employees and managers (at all levels) will make deadlines, take on additional responsibilities and jump into any project as a great leader and team player. But when it comes to confronting a difficult employee or manager, they will either ignore the situation completely or more dangerous, go behind the scenes and broadcast the shortcomings of another individual and their own personal misgivings about them in hopes that someone will somehow catch wind and solve the problem and/or situation. 

Unfortunately, this approach usually backfires and leaves the "informant" with a poor reputation. It takes an incredible amount of patience when confronting any person, or situation for that matter, that makes us feel uncomfortable. Many times we have heard the expression "use a cool head" when voicing dissatisfaction or displeasure with another person.

But many of us do not take this advice. Emotion will push people to react too quickly and not take the time to sort through what is really bothering them most. The key to effective communication is timing. How many times have we all said after a heated exchange, "I should have said this or that?" When we take the time to analyze the problem, we are in essence, formulating a more effective plan of action and conversation. And sometimes, after thinking about the outcome and consequences of such an exchange, we find the problem as not so monumental.

Another consideration when "taking on" the difficult colleague is the organization's unwritten rules and values. Is this issue significant enough to warrant upper level support? Has this issue surfaced before? If yes, what was the outcome - for both the confronter and confronted? You also may want to discuss the pros and cons of confronting the problem with your mentor before moving forward.

There are career enhancing and career sabotaging methods to effectively deal with and work with the difficult people. And although the difficult Do's are much more "difficult" to execute, they are well worth it in the long run.

Difficult Do's

·       Acknowledge that you are in fact dealing with a difficult coworker and that things will not get better if ignored.

·       Approach the individual in a professional manner and make an effort to confront the "right" problem. 

·       Carefully weigh the consequences with an outside-unbiased party (mentor) before addressing the problem.

·       If the situation cannot seem to be resolved, seek the council of a supervisor and explain your concerns. When there is still no progress, request a mediation session with your supervisor and a human resource professional. This will ensure documentation of your issues, which will prove to be helpful down the road.

Difficult Don'ts

·       Don't speak ill of the difficult colleague around the water cooler or anywhere else. Those who hear you may be wondering what you are saying about them.

·       Do not become emotional when confronting the difficult colleague.  This approach will always make you appear to be irrational.

·       Don't downplay the cost of not speaking up when you should.

And remember, there is no reason to have to search for another job or a new career because of one challenging individual. By learning how to deal with the situation rationally and professionally, you only enhance your own reputation.

Reprint permission granted by Alison Sfreddo of The Mentoring Connection